Insecure ambivalent attachment...
It's time to draw a line in the sand...
My not-so-kind anonymous commenter pointed out the other day that I have "complete and utter control" of this blog. I am now going to exercise that complete control, starting by posting an "open letter" to Anonymous from the gorgeous Neats (Just in case you missed it in the comments section Anon).
BTW Neats has given her permission for this to be posted.
Dear Anonymous,
Firstly, as you seem to be new to the cyber and blogging thing, the idea of the comments section is that they are all published. If you did not intend your words to be read by all, I suggest in future you let the recipient know that. In light of Yael's attitude towards sharing her experiences so openly, perhaps it did not surprise you that she posted your comment.I felt your frustration in how badly Yael took your message, when obviously your only intention was to wish her well for her birthday and wish her a fantastic marriage and a wonderful life in Vanuatu. How could Yael have taken your message the wrong way...
Your message pointed out, very clearly, that Yael was:
In need of being centred
Had made hurtful mistakes
Had hurt you
Had hurt many others as well
Had things she perhaps should feel regret about
Has demons
Is tortured
and needs forgiveness
Gee, and she took that the wrong way? Go figure.
If you really knew Yael, you would know that she does not have regrets or guilt about her life. And that is part of her charm and passion for life.
In all honesty writing "how wonderful you are (and you may be- to them- but they know shit) but you are still the same", "fuck you", "Its not like you never hurt anyone" "Humpme Dumpme", I am not convinced that you have forgiven Yael. In fact I think the real reason that you wrote to Yael was because deep down you cant stand the fact that despite all the things that believe Yael to have done in the past (to you and others) that don't live up to YOUR expectations of what makes a "good, centred and secure person" Yael still has many people in her life (both cyber and non-cyber) that care about her and offer her support, love and friendship. That must really suck for you huh? Perhaps the reason that you do not have such friendships is because, despite your best intentions, you still come off sounding Bitter, Superior, Patronising and unable to work out your internal conflict about how you really feel and how you have been lead to believe a "good" person should act towards others.
So congratulations to you on not re-entering Yael's life (in future you will find it easier to not re-enter if you simply stay away and keep your kind thoughts to yourself) and I dont think that you are really so important that Yael can not have a wonderful life without your blessing.Finally, "may your marriage be a happy and secure one" - who the fuck says "secure one?" really think twice about your double meanings before writing such dribble and on that note, stop with the Anonymous crap and tell Yael who you are. If you can be man enough to tell Yael how you truely feel about her (after all this time) then grow a real back bone and put a name to your comments. Take a note out of Yael's book, "Bitch and proud"!!
Yours in truth and healing :-) Neats
Anon, you may think that in this way I am making myself the center of attention (once again, on my own blog... How tedious!). But in fact I am finally giving you the attention that you are so clearly craving.
As for drawing that line in the sand... If you choose to post one of your delightful coments again on my blog it will be deleted. I have greater things to worry about than dealing with you and your passive-aggressive games. If you have something to say to me (and we all know that you don't want to air dirty laundry in public) then contact me PRIVATELY via e-mail (novel idea, I know). You obviously know how to use myspace to track me down, therefore it stands to reason that you'll know how to use the myspace mail feature. Of course by following this course you will no longer be able to remain anonymous and you'll have to put your name to your comments. The decision is yours.
To everyone else... What do you think of Anonymous's behaviour? (see previous posts for a bit of background as to what's been going on and to read Anon's comments) The nature of blogging is that one talks about one's life and things that one is interested in. Is blogging only for extroverts who want to be the center of attention? Discuss.
posted by Olyal @ 3:35 PM
71 Comments:
I know lots of introverts who blog. They may not have a slew of people to share daily things with, so they turn to the...heh...anonymous people of the internet. Some don't even care if anyone else ever reads their blog, it's just out there. And getting it out there is different from a private journal.
I say you be all about you all the time on your own blog if you want. It's your blog so you get to do with it want you want!
Michele sent me. I'll have to look through the preview few entries to get more on the lovely commenter though.
Oy Vey! Anon. really lost it didn't he? I man I went to your last post and read the comments...(I LOVED Neats open letter to Anonymous....It is Perfect, Yaeli! This is your blog to do with what you want. Write what you want, etc...Anonymous has a real problem! And I think you are right to now cut him off at the pass. Enough is enough!
Michele sent me tonight!
One of the few things I can control in my life is the content of my blog. If I so choose, I can allow or disallow anyone whenever and for whatever reason (or lack thereof)I feel like. It's MY blog. So far, I have only had a couple of assholes comment, and they really were no match - easily dispatched with some blistering rhetoric.
Sometimes, it's just not worth dignifying them with a response. I think you are taking the right path. You have said your piece and I'd say you have put "anon" in his place. He (or she) deserves no more space on your blog - unless YOU choose to allow it.
As Mel Brooks would say, "It's good to be da King."
I hope all is well otherwise, I know you have had some real stress recently.
Mike
I have just seen one of the comments, what an obsessed person. Nasty, nasty.
Luckily (touch wood) I haven't had one of those on my blog yet, but I have been roundly criticised in my comments.
It's your blog, your personal space in the internet. Sometimes I think that's an oxymoron; a public personal space.
cq
Michele sent me to say hi....
Wonderfully written, Yaeli; this was a perfect answer.
Michele sent me.
It's your blog - blog about anything you want to. I hate people who comment under the anonymous umbrella, rather than having the guts and the integrity to leave their name behind their hidious comments.
Don't fret. Anonymous can go **** himself/herself...
It's your blog - blog about anything you want to. I hate people who comment under the anonymous umbrella, rather than having the guts and the integrity to leave their name behind their hidious comments.
Don't fret. Anonymous can go **** himself/herself...
it's your blog. you can do things the way you want. but if I *were* to give advice, I'd cut off the anonymous commenting -- it's easy enough to have a blogger account, so no one would be shut out.
You have well and truly told him. My opinion - for what it's worth is don't waste anymore of your time. It's over, rise above it and move on.
Michele sent me.
Hurrah for comment moderation and a pox on all mean spirited nasty anons!
Complete and utter control? Um... Yeah! Anonymouse, how old are you?
Hi Yaeli, Michele sent me!
LOL... how dare you write about yourself on your blog!!
I'vw only had to deal with a few obnoxious (and almost always anonymous) commenters on my main blogs. However, on my anti-corporal punishment blog I had to turn off comments because they were downright venomous and toxic. It genuinely upset me to read them.
So.... there are two side to this particular coin (meaning if you are open to comments, you'll get some you don't like) but the bottom line is that you also conrol the "delete" button.
Use it with glee. ;)
Here via michele, my friend!
Blogging is whatever we want it to be. A blog is little more than a forum for self-publishing. It is a mere medium, on top of which we have full latitude to say whatever the hell we wish.
You do just that, and your openness and honesty are what make us want to read your blog again and again. I've never met you in person, but I've read enough of your online work that I'd very much like to cross your path for real sometime in the future.
Anon is a moron, pure and simple. You're surrounded by friends and family. Nothing else matters.
Yaeli, you are perfectly within your rights to put anything you want on your blog. Whomever Anonymous is: he needs to grow up and grow a pair - so he can tell who is is and not hide behind the "anonymous" label. And you are within your rights to send that comment into oblivion!!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cyberstalkers are quite annoying. I hope that you're able to shed this one, Yaeli.
Your blog is like your life - use it however you like. As in life - people will always be quick to show disapproval due to many personal insecurities: ie - I think all women with big boobs suck - cause i have none. who's problem is that? Not a woman with big boobs, but mine. so you know - as in life, you can only control your reactions to other people, not theirs to you. therefore - control... and delete, but most importantly, don't let his/her issues become yours.
foxy xx
I pretty much agree with everything everyone has said! it's very interesting that your anonymous commenter didn't just send you a private email...
But yes, I think blogs are about expression. You can express whatever is on your mind and of course it's ok to centre around you! You have a really good readership so obviously your life appeals to a lot of people ;)
-Amy
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